Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
