Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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