"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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