Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
