I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
