the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
