he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
