Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
