I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
