end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
