My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
