I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
