smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
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