Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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