I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
