I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Such a big mess for such a small penis
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
