whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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