I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
