Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
