watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
