I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
