I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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