this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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