Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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