i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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