two words: eviction party
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
