Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
