did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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