mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
