if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the day after is always just damage control
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
