apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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