Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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