I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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