I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
