Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
