sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
