um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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