How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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