hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
