In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
