And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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