I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
