My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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