Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
