I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
