its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
