Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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