You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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