I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
