Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
