Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
