tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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